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Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. 

— Mark Twain

When the knowledge of general internist and the knowledge of psychopharmacology expert come together in one person, powerful conclusions can be drawn, as was demonstrated by late California physician Jay Goldstein MD.

Back in the 90s, Goldstein has pioneered the treatment of what he referred to as “neurosomatic conditons”  through adjusting neurosettings via art and science of neuromodulation, also commonly known as neurohacking.

In his office, Goldstein fearlessly administered various intravenous protocols and prescribed everything under the sun inspired entirely by his extensive knowledge of neurochemistry and a cowboy attitude.

Jay Goldstein had no moral dilemma about what he was doing. In his book “Tuning the Brain” he explains that by the time patients reached his office, most of them have tried everything else and were so sick that they considered suicide as their most viable option.\

Through manipulating their neuro receptors, Goldstein claimed that he was able sooner or later to fix 90% of them, but what was really remarkable is that whenever he hit the right combination of drugs, the patients had a near immediate resolution of all the symptoms that plagued their life for years.

What Goldstein observed was unbelievable which made it tempting to deny that it could be possible, much in a way an atheist would be inclined to deny another person’s mystical experience as a mere delusion. And yet, I knew he wasn’t lying.  The reason I believed him because I have personally experienced what he was talking about.  I will attest that a patient with TAAR related disorder, can literally transition from feeling like they are dying, from not being, from suffocating in anxiety and depression to a state of perfect wellbeing accompanied by perfect mental clarity and normalization, if not elevation of mood. There are some sceptics out there who might want to dismiss it as simply feeling “high” but if they do, I would dare them to explain how someone could get high on medications that are not known to produce any euphoria in the rest of the population, especially if given in the doses that seem to be too low even for a rat.

Unfortunately, maintaining this perfect state has proven to be a much trickier task than achieving it. More often than not, you end up trading one quadrant from another – the fatigue will be eventually replaced by depression, the depression you will get anxiety, and once you treat anxiety the fatigue comes back (that’s obviously an oversimplified example but I think you get my point).

Because what he was doing did not abide the laws of evidence based medicine, Jay Goldstein eventually lost his medical license, went broke and eventually ended up dying in poverty, around the same time when I discovered his book. I never got a chance to tell him that reading his book has saved my life and forever changed its trajectory (despite the fact that at the time I could only understand about 1% of it and even unrelated to my ignorance, it would be fair to describe it as one of the most incoherent books ever written).

While I did not find direct answers to my problems in Goldstein’s book (which I’ve never been able to read in its entirety), he provided me with general direction about where to look for clues. There was something about his ideas that strongly connected with my own intuition about what was going inside my body. Given my level of desperation at that time, it is very likely that I’d end up going down a very dangerous road of very aggressive medical treatments for wrong conditions (spine surgeries for Ehlers Danlos syndrome, IVIG for autoimmunity, some experimental heavy duty drugs for ME/CFS, etc).

We are finally breaking through the fog here, but until we know more about how T1AM is produced and metabolized,  we are all operating in the dark. It would be great if we all joined our forces, if we stopped all realized that whatever you choose to call it – CFS, POTS, bipolar 2, atypical depression, fibromyalgia or adrenal fatigue – that it’s all part of the same spectrum, that these are different impersonations of the same illness but perhaps its only obvious to those of us who have both studied all of these conditions and lived in that body affected by the illness for quite some time.

The more I’ve deepened the knowledge of my own condition, the more frustrated I’ve become about the current state of affairs. It was something I’ve already come to resent during my years of physician, but my personal experience has really convinced me that the current structure of how we practice medicine is both narrow-minded and unsustainable.

If we want to solve the riddle of the invisible illness, we must abandon the convention  we were to stopped dividing illnesses into psychiatric and physical categories, when in fact there is only one real category – the neurological.

Right the specialists who are treating these conditions are holding invaluable pieces of the great puzzle, and the only reason why we are all still in the dark is because of how extremely ultra-sub-specialized we have become due to the mounting amount of knowledge, most of which comes in the form of ever-changing evidence based guidelines rather than true science of professional wisdom. My only real hope is that with the help of artificial intelligence there will be a rapid shift in how we analyze every illness, that many of the currently missed patterns will become much more obvious. Then we will no longer be blind men calling the elephants trunk a snake, or his leg a tree.

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